Rafaela

I have taken on the role of kinda-mom, which I wasn't ready for.  Who is ready for motherhood, right?  Yes, but most women don't give birth to a 10-year old with a depressing past.  Oh my darling Rafaela...

She is the baby girl with 5 older brothers, and they all have the same parents, which is a rare beauty in the favelas.  But her parents aren't capable of taking care of their children: her dad is an alcoholic and her mom is...well, not right in the head, but I don't know exactly why.  I don't know what went on in her life before she came here, but I know that none of the children ever went to school and it was an abusive household.  Three years ago she and three of her brothers (Rafael, Mateus, and Diego) were brought to the Fazenda.  Rafael is 19 and has since moved into the city where he has a decent job considering his lack of education.  He comes to the Fazenda about once a month to spend the weekend, help out, and check on his younger siblings. Mateus (14) and Diego (12) are both good kids and are very protective of their little princess sister. 

Every night in vespers Rafaela prays for her family, and when she is sad that she doesn't live with her parents we try to focus on the positive and remind her that her brothers are here with her.  But no matter how much we take care of her and show her that we love her, she suffers deeply.  I can't even begin to imagine how it feels to know that your mom doesn't want you.  Still, she laughs easily, loves to sing and dance and play jokes.  I can see the constant struggle in her between the joy and sorrow in her heart.  Joy for people who love her and the beauty around her, but sorrow for the mother she will always lack.  She can turn from giggling to crying in the blink of an eye and if you try to talk to her, to reason with her, she closes all doors.

Oh, one strange thing is that she has high cholesterol.  Crazy high, her LDL is 142 and her HDL is only 50.  How does a seemingly healthy 10-year old, who's very active and not overweight have high cholesterol?  It's quite the chore trying to get her to eat healthy and telling her she can't have any cake.  She doesn't understand and so sneaks and eats fatty foods at school or other people's houses when she can.  I can't say that I blame her.  Even as an adult I would have a hard time accepting it if I couldn't eat butter and sausage.

She turned 11 on Sunday.  She is more innocent than most 11-year olds I've met, which is a gift to us since she's not interested in boys or make-up (except nail polish, of course).  In the barrios some of the girls, as young as 8, dress and act so provocatively it makes me want to drag them all to a convent.  Probably not the best answer, but truly they are so shocking you just want to lock them away from the world.  So I am very grateful that somehow Rafa has so far escaped that curse of the culture.  For her birthday she spent the weekend at a friend's house in Passagem; they stayed up until 1am!  Silly girls!!  Sunday she went to the beach with all the people in the Fazenda who have a birthday in October and had a fabulous time.  Sunday night we had dinner with her brothers, Caroline, and Irma Maria Adela (Argentinean, arrived in the Fazenda last week, will live with us after Irma Miriam leaves next month).  I went to great pains to make a delicious low-fat, low-cholesterol dinner for her.  Ok, it wasn't painful, but it is nearly impossible for me to cook without cream and butter.  Well on Sunday she got to have her cake and eat it too because it was a low-fat chocolate cake with non-fat meringue frosting.  We invited more people over for cake, she got a few presents, including a beautiful rosary (thank you Michelle!) and earrings.  (We're taking her to get her ears pierced on Saturday.)  That night there was a true happiness inside her that I don't see very often.  We prayed a decade of the rosary before she went to bed smiling.

We sing and dance together a lot.  I love it when she sings Sound of Music in the shower trying to copy me J  I help her with her math homework and she helps me with my Portuguese.  She says she wants to learn to cook, but of course she never wants to actually stay in the kitchen working for an hour.  Pray for me to always be patient with her.  I pray that we are helping her draw closer to Mary, the Mother of us all.  No one else can fill the hole in her heart.  

love,

Sunny